Time changes

what is within your vision

but never that which you hold

within your heart

It's easy to look back on the past with sorrow for what was lost however deciding to look back with gratitude, soaking in the joy & love experienced is truly the best recognition one can give to that which was��

On this day 13 years ago the world lost a beautiful light and amazing man. Its a strange thing for me, this anniversary of sorts. Its not something that will ever truly be out of my mind but also not something I try to focus on each year. We had so many beautiful moments together, so many amazing days for me to look back on and remember him but this day is definitely not one of them. I wasn't ready to lose him, to say goodbye, to parent alone, to be more isolated than I ever thought possible. He was my best friend, my confidant, my rock, the father of my children, my better half, my world. It seems on this day others choose to focus on him, well the loss of him.  At times having to ask me the appropriate day so that they can.  A day where their grief is aired and their sadness made evident. I try my best to console them, I try my best to help them as they grieve on this day especially. Although the memory of this day still stings in many ways, I refuse to let that overshadow the wonderful memories of him. Today and every day I choose to focus on how truly grateful I am that he was a part of my life.  How blessed we, as a family and community, were to share in his journey. How comforted I felt every time he was near. On the sweet notes I'd get during the day or how at peace I was in his arms. So many days throughout the year he is the focus of my thoughts and the cause for a random smile that graces my cheeks. He loved life, people and always knew just how to make any situation just a little lighter.  On beautiful summer days I can see him spashing through the pool or chasing the waves upon the shore. In the winter I feel his excitement over Christmas and bubbly energy while he was making his infamous apple pies for both sides of the family. All those things are my Derek, my love and the one who will always hold a special place in my heart.