Design Your Beautiful Life Coaching 

-Texts from Heaven 



10 Days In- A journey through grief (14)

Posted on March 21, 2016 at 7:10 PM

Being here without him just seems so unbelievably wrong. Words cannot express the aching in my heart. I spent the last few days trying to find letters, cards, emails…anything that he wrote to me. I call our number just to hear his voice on the machine. So much of me wants to just stay in bed and cry until it’s my turn to go with him. I force myself to get up every morning, as well as during the night with Anna, and try my best to take good care of the children while maintaining the household. I know our babies are looking to me to bring them through this but all I want is Derek back, a hug, a smile, an “I love you Jeannie”. I’m no good at being me without my better half. Anna misses her Daddy too. She still gets so excited when she sees his picture. She is traumatized by his absence and cries whenever I leave the room, like she’s afraid she’ll lose me too. Nick has been acting out lately so I’ve been trying to make more one on one discussion time for him. He was Derek’s little sidekick, his mirror image always bubbly and smiling. This loss has him confused and angry. Jeanne seems sad but otherwise okay and always clear with others about the fact that her Daddy is “in good hands”. Her selfless simple assessment of his death brings me comfort every time I hear it. Matthew is visibly sad all the time and is often looking to me for direction on how to act and what to do. The family dynamics are all out of whack and we navigate each day cautiously trying to find our places in this new highly stressful environment. We’ve had a family discussion about the rules still remaining the same as they’ve always been even though Daddy can’t be here anymore. We’ve discussed that my expectations of them as individuals are no different now than before. I want them to try their best at school, keep their rooms clean and be kind to others. Matthew in particular has struggled with that. Apparently family members gave him a discussion about being “the man of the house now”. They told him he needed to help with the other children and take care of me. I can’t imagine what they were thinking?! He’s eleven and has just experienced a devastating loss. He cannot and is not expected to take on any adult roles in the household nor does he need to suddenly become a caretaker for me. Do you know what kind of burden that is to put on a child especially when their father has just passed away from an unknown illness? He’s terrified for me to go anywhere or do anything and somehow now feels like it‘s his obligation to keep me safe. I discussed it with him again today, I reassured him that I am fine and I’m not expecting anything new from him. I urged him to please let me know when something is bothering him and not keep it bottled up. I reassured him that I am, as I’ve always been, here for him as well as his siblings and that I will make sure everyone is well taken care of.

Categories: A Journey Through Grief

Post a Comment


Oops, you forgot something.


The words you entered did not match the given text. Please try again.


Reply bape clothing
1:34 AM on December 2, 2021 
Thanks a lot for providing individuals with an exceptionally brilliant chance to read critical reviews from here. It is usually very good and jam-packed with a lot of fun for me and my office acquaintances to search your website at the very least thrice a week to learn the new items you have. Of course, we are always fascinated with the effective thoughts you serve. Selected 1 ideas on this page are rather the very best we have ever had.
bape clothing
Reply jordan 6
11:39 AM on December 2, 2021 
I truly wanted to send a simple comment so as to say thanks to you for those precious ways you are showing at this site. My time-consuming internet investigation has at the end of the day been compensated with extremely good tips to exchange with my friends and family. I 'd claim that many of us site visitors actually are rather endowed to dwell in a superb community with so many wonderful professionals with great pointers. I feel quite blessed to have used the weblog and look forward to plenty of more entertaining minutes reading here. Thanks a lot once again for a lot of things.
jordan 6
Reply moncler
8:03 PM on December 2, 2021 
I would like to get across my respect for your kindness supporting individuals who have the need for help on this particular question. Your special dedication to passing the solution across was astonishingly effective and has specifically permitted men and women like me to arrive at their ambitions. Your new warm and friendly recommendations implies a great deal to me and a whole lot more to my colleagues. Thanks a ton; from each one of us.
Reply golden goose shoes
8:03 PM on December 2, 2021 
I simply wanted to jot down a brief comment in order to express gratitude to you for some of the awesome tips and tricks you are writing at this website. My time intensive internet lookup has at the end of the day been rewarded with beneficial facts and techniques to talk about with my contacts. I 'd express that most of us website visitors are truly blessed to be in a fantastic place with many lovely people with insightful hints. I feel truly happy to have used the site and look forward to plenty of more fun minutes reading here. Thanks a lot once more for all the details.
golden goose shoes
Reply supreme new york
8:04 PM on December 2, 2021 
I am just commenting to let you understand of the helpful discovery our girl encountered visiting the blog. She figured out a wide variety of pieces, not to mention what it's like to have a great coaching character to make the others smoothly completely grasp certain multifaceted matters. You really surpassed our expectations. I appreciate you for rendering such warm and helpful, trusted, edifying as well as fun thoughts on that topic to Gloria.
supreme new york
Reply golden goose
8:05 PM on December 2, 2021 
I definitely wanted to write down a simple comment to express gratitude to you for these superb suggestions you are sharing at this website. My time-consuming internet research has finally been honored with awesome ideas to write about with my family and friends. I 'd claim that we website visitors actually are rather endowed to be in a remarkable place with many special individuals with valuable advice. I feel pretty fortunate to have seen your entire web page and look forward to many more cool times reading here. Thanks a lot again for everything.
golden goose
Reply yeezy 500
8:05 PM on December 2, 2021 
I wish to voice my admiration for your generosity in support of people that really want assistance with that niche. Your real dedication to getting the solution across turned out to be really useful and has consistently made guys like me to attain their endeavors. This invaluable key points signifies so much to me and a whole lot more to my fellow workers. Many thanks; from all of us.
yeezy 500
Reply off white jordan 1
4:53 PM on December 3, 2021 
I simply wanted to send a brief message to express gratitude to you for these lovely secrets you are showing here. My time consuming internet investigation has at the end of the day been honored with useful insight to talk about with my co-workers. I 'd assume that most of us visitors actually are rather fortunate to live in a fantastic site with very many wonderful professionals with interesting opinions. I feel extremely fortunate to have used your site and look forward to so many more thrilling moments reading here. Thank you once more for everything.
off white jordan 1
Reply lebron shoes
2:50 AM on December 4, 2021 
Thank you for all of your work on this web site. Kim take interest in working on internet research and it is easy to understand why. Most of us notice all of the dynamic way you present insightful items through the web site and encourage participation from people on this situation then our daughter is truly understanding a lot. Take advantage of the remaining portion of the new year. You are conducting a first class job.
lebron shoes
Reply chrome hearts online store
12:03 AM on December 5, 2021 
Thank you for each of your work on this blog. Kim really loves participating in internet research and it's easy to see why. We notice all concerning the powerful medium you offer rewarding steps by means of your web blog and even increase contribution from other ones on the theme while our simple princess is without a doubt discovering a whole lot. Take pleasure in the remaining portion of the year. You are doing a fabulous job.
chrome hearts online store
Reply supreme hoodie
12:21 PM on December 5, 2021 
I wanted to create you this bit of observation to help say thank you again relating to the unique thoughts you have contributed on this page. This is quite strangely open-handed of you to supply without restraint just what a lot of people might have supplied as an e-book in order to make some profit for themselves, precisely seeing that you might well have tried it in case you wanted. These good ideas additionally acted as the great way to be certain that some people have similar passion much like my personal own to learn a lot more with respect to this matter. I know there are lots of more pleasurable opportunities ahead for many who see your blog.
supreme hoodie
Reply chrome hearts online
6:59 AM on December 6, 2021 
I have to express some thanks to the writer for rescuing me from this difficulty. As a result of surfing around through the world wide web and getting proposals which are not helpful, I figured my entire life was done. Being alive without the solutions to the difficulties you've sorted out through your main site is a crucial case, and the ones which may have badly affected my career if I had not encountered your web blog. Your actual know-how and kindness in touching all areas was very helpful. I am not sure what I would have done if I hadn't discovered such a subject like this. It's possible to now look ahead to my future. Thanks a lot so much for your impressive and sensible help. I won't think twice to suggest your blog to anyone who ought to have assistance about this issue.
chrome hearts online
Reply off white
2:25 AM on December 7, 2021 
I in addition to my friends appeared to be examining the great solutions found on your web blog then instantly came up with a terrible feeling I had not thanked the website owner for those tips. Most of the women are already as a consequence joyful to study them and have now in truth been using these things. Thank you for turning out to be considerably considerate and also for having variety of amazing themes millions of individuals are really desirous to be aware of. My honest regret for not saying thanks to earlier.
off white
Reply stephen curry shoes
12:55 PM on December 7, 2021 
I have to voice my love for your generosity supporting visitors who require help on in this field. Your special dedication to passing the solution throughout appeared to be definitely practical and have encouraged workers much like me to get to their objectives. Your entire helpful suggestions entails a whole lot to me and much more to my office colleagues. Best wishes; from each one of us.
stephen curry shoes
Reply golden goose outlet
4:47 AM on December 9, 2021 
I needed to send you one little word to say thanks a lot once again for the pleasing views you've shared here. This has been simply tremendously generous of people like you to deliver publicly just what a number of us would have offered as an e book to earn some profit for themselves, and in particular since you could have tried it in case you wanted. Those concepts as well acted to become a good way to comprehend other people online have the identical dreams like mine to know the truth many more around this matter. I believe there are millions of more fun situations ahead for people who looked at your site.
golden goose outlet
Reply curry shoes
1:37 AM on December 10, 2021 
I am only writing to make you understand of the nice encounter my wife's princess gained going through your blog. She discovered some things, including what it is like to possess a marvelous coaching heart to have men and women with ease grasp various tortuous matters. You undoubtedly surpassed her expectations. Thanks for distributing these necessary, trusted, edifying and also cool tips on this topic to Janet.
curry shoes
Reply moncler
12:58 PM on December 10, 2021 
I would like to show appreciation to the writer for rescuing me from such a problem. After browsing throughout the the web and seeing advice that were not productive, I assumed my entire life was over. Living minus the answers to the issues you have solved all through your main posting is a critical case, as well as the kind which might have badly damaged my career if I hadn't noticed your web blog. That talents and kindness in taking care of a lot of stuff was helpful. I don't know what I would have done if I had not discovered such a solution like this. I can also now look forward to my future. Thanks so much for this skilled and result oriented guide. I won't think twice to refer your web page to anyone who needs to have guide about this topic.
Reply curry shoes
1:00 PM on December 10, 2021 
My wife and i have been very joyful that Edward could deal with his reports through your ideas he came across using your web pages. It is now and again perplexing to simply find yourself making a gift of key points which usually others have been selling. And we also fully grasp we now have you to appreciate for that. The type of illustrations you have made, the easy blog navigation, the friendships your site make it easier to instill - it's got mostly fabulous, and it's helping our son in addition to the family understand the subject is fun, and that's tremendously fundamental. Thanks for all!
curry shoes
Reply yeezy boost 380
10:13 PM on December 10, 2021 
Thank you so much for providing individuals with such a spectacular opportunity to read articles and blog posts from this web site. It's usually very pleasant and as well , full of a good time for me personally and my office co-workers to search your web site particularly thrice every week to see the new guides you have. And indeed, I'm usually fascinated concerning the astonishing creative concepts you give. Certain 2 facts in this post are surely the most efficient we have had.
yeezy boost 380
Reply jordan 1 off white
8:56 AM on December 11, 2021 
I just wanted to jot down a quick remark so as to appreciate you for all the pleasant advice you are giving out on this website. My considerable internet research has now been compensated with reliable suggestions to share with my best friends. I 'd point out that many of us website visitors actually are unquestionably endowed to be in a magnificent place with so many outstanding people with very beneficial tactics. I feel truly fortunate to have come across the web page and look forward to plenty of more fabulous moments reading here. Thank you once more for all the details.
jordan 1 off white